[Another lapse into silence as he flips his hand around so he can hold hers. He brings his other hand up too, stroking her hair for a beat or two, like he'd do sometimes with A-yuan when he couldn't sleep well at night, amidst the smell of rot and blood.]
...One of the worst parts about these places are how powerless it makes people feel. The guilt you have to carry for things that aren't your fault - because it doesn't matter how many people tell you that, mm?
[Sometimes, guilt is guilt, and guilt never listens to rational thought.]
They're gone for now. [And he's sorry for it.] And we'll work to make sure it's just "for now". I'll do what I can, where I can, too. But I'm sorry - I know nothing is ever enough.
I don't get why... [God. She rubs her free hand over her eyes, blinking rapidly.] We were all in the same place when we fell asleep.
[So she doesn't understand why it was them who presumably stayed awake when she was the one who woke up to find them gone. Still... She takes a breath.]
...I don't either. Life is unkind in strange ways.
[Sometimes, you're the odd man out, or the lone survivor when everyone else ends up unlucky. He doesn't smile, but there's a softness in his expression, and a bone-deep empathy. Yeehaw survivor's guilt...]
[She could say a few different things to that. How rare it is for someone to say that, and how she wants to lean into it like a plant that's gone too long unwatered. Or maybe, how acutely aware she is of the fragility of a promise like that, especially today. It's a little bit terrifying.
She doesn't say either of those things, but her hold on his hand tightens.]
[He gives her hand a squeeze in return, humming out a little soft note of reassurance. It's not much, but it's about all he can manage. He really can't make grand promises - but for now, this is something he can do.]
[She stays silent for a while, but... Eventually she falls asleep again, her hand going slack in his as she does. Even if she slept through the night, she's tired.]
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...One of the worst parts about these places are how powerless it makes people feel. The guilt you have to carry for things that aren't your fault - because it doesn't matter how many people tell you that, mm?
[Sometimes, guilt is guilt, and guilt never listens to rational thought.]
They're gone for now. [And he's sorry for it.] And we'll work to make sure it's just "for now". I'll do what I can, where I can, too. But I'm sorry - I know nothing is ever enough.
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[So she doesn't understand why it was them who presumably stayed awake when she was the one who woke up to find them gone. Still... She takes a breath.]
Thank you.
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[Sometimes, you're the odd man out, or the lone survivor when everyone else ends up unlucky. He doesn't smile, but there's a softness in his expression, and a bone-deep empathy. Yeehaw survivor's guilt...]
--You don't need to thank me.
[He hasn't done anything, really.]
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[It's an explanation for her thanks. While nobody can really give her what she wants right now, this is the next best thing.]
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I'll always stay, any time you ask it of me.
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She doesn't say either of those things, but her hold on his hand tightens.]
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