[That mood when the removal of your golden core is a more personal, tender moment that you're more loathe to let others see than your mass slaughtering of 5k+ people...
He's awkwardly silent for a second - uncharacteristically so. There was a long period of time in his life where only three people knew that secret. Himself, Wen Ning and Wen Qing. It's discomforting - uncomfortable - for others to have a glimpse into it. But he's nothing if not capable of pressing ever onward, even as he rubs at his arm with a little sigh.]
--I told you about golden cores, yes? Losing one won't kill a cultivator in a physical sense, but they'll never be able to cultivate again like that.
[She might have been about to compliment him, but given that she's glancing towards him and making eye contact again... Something else is happening. It's like he said the other day; death stays with you. Maybe that's why, as it ends and she realizes what it was - by the time he looks her way, if he does, her hand is already over her mouth, and she's paling as her eyes widen.]
[There's something terrible about experiencing someone else's last moments.
He's done it before, even in his home world. Invented a technique - Empathy - which allows the user to do just that. To take a spirit into their own body, to experience that life through their own eyes and skin. It's never easy. Each time the hammer comes down, the sword pushes forward, the dagger drops, the last breath draws, he's launched back into his own body feeling deeply unsettled.
But he breathes, and he rights himself. It's not his memory, and it's not his death. It's not his right to see, but he's seen it anyway and he can't take that back. A lot of good dropping the topic earlier had done for them, hm?]
... [Calm, again. Careful, soft. He holds a hand her way.] Do you need to sit?
[Uncharacteristically again, she reaches out to take the hand he offers her, her other hand dragging down her face as she tries to regain some of her composure. It was real, but it's not now. He isn't here. He can't hurt her again. Even so, he'll note the way her hand trembles, and the way her voice isn't quite as steady as she would like it as she answers.]
[He pauses for just a second - and then pulls her in by the hand, so he can give her a loose hug. Quite loose, since he's sure she doesn't want to feel trapped after reliving a memory like that. Quite brief, too, for the same reasons, but lingering in case she needs a place to hide for a moment. He'll lead her over to one of the display racks so they can sit behind it, for a little bit of privacy in case anyone else moseys in to check out some sweet pants.]
[It's not hard to see the way she tenses as he pulls her in for that exact reason, but it's instinctive rather than something she's doing intentionally. After a second, she relaxes, and - while she doesn't return the embrace, she doesn't push away until he steps back on his own.
She's taking a seat a little bit heavily in the place he indicates, taking a breath as she does. Given how concerned he seemed for her after she saw his memory:]
Are you... Are you okay? I'm sorry, I didn't think - I didn't realize that would happen. I know it's not...
[LOOK. THAT'S DIFFERENT. But he doesn't say as much aloud, instead just skipping over to the second part.]
Sadistic of him.
[To tell her he'd draw it out if she struggled. Terrible man. It ignites a tiny bit of his temper - the temper that's satisfied to kill those who wrong him and his.]
also does but she'll just run fastly if this happens it's fine]
...I knew what he was going to do. I just didn't think it would be - like that. [...] I don't want to feel that scared again. I would just leave him alone.
He didn't even want to talk to me the last time we did, so yeah. They're done with me or whatever, I guess.
[There's a good deal of missing context there, but the deep bitterness in her voice is really as simple as that last sentence implies: whoever they are, they've moved on from what happened, something that's not quite as easy for her. Maybe she should be glad to know that they don't care any longer, but—
It would be nice, maybe, to know they were even a fraction as haunted as she still is.]
[He doesn't think he needs that missing context to understand, at least in the vaguest of terms, what happened here. And maybe he should also be glad that they've moved on and won't give her trouble, presumably. He's never met them. He doesn't know the circumstances.
But he's never been a very fair person when it comes to who he decides he likes. He likes Natalie, so he won't judge those who wrong her fairly.]
Mm. To put you through that and then move on is an unkindness in a way, too.
[But what can be done about it? He huffs.]
People like that can only cling to what they have. He doesn't deserve you.
[Then she would be a sociopath too and that's just no good!!
But he sighs, expression understanding all the same.]
You don't need to apologize. We don't have to keep talking about it if it bothers you either, but I don't mind. If you weren't even able to talk to him properly later, you must not have taken any time to work through what happened, mm?
[WELL. HE CAN'T, LIKE. ARGUE WITH THAT. Death generally is very traumatizing for most people, and sometimes the best thing to do - or at least the thing that feels the best - is to just pretend like hell it isn't a thing and move on. The look he gives her is a quiet, understanding one.]
--Probably not. Not in a way that's straightforward and clean, at least. It's not like you'll ever really be able to leave something like that behind you - truly, truly behind you. Most people wouldn't, anyway. [A beat.] But - mm. Well. If you ever decide you have anything to say about it, and that you want someone else to listen to you say it, you have my ear any time you'd like.
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[Haha, wow. He's really having to apologize to Natalie a lot lately, isn't he? Even if it's outside of his control, it's still...]
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[But, all the same...]
What - what happened? Why did they have to... do that?
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He's awkwardly silent for a second - uncharacteristically so. There was a long period of time in his life where only three people knew that secret. Himself, Wen Ning and Wen Qing. It's discomforting - uncomfortable - for others to have a glimpse into it. But he's nothing if not capable of pressing ever onward, even as he rubs at his arm with a little sigh.]
--I told you about golden cores, yes? Losing one won't kill a cultivator in a physical sense, but they'll never be able to cultivate again like that.
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[She looks as confused as she does concerned, taking a breath.]
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He takes a breath in and sighs it out on a smile.]
--Someone dear to me needed it more than I did.
[Even without a core, I'll have other ways to live. But Jiang Cheng won't be able to.
He doesn't even have the right to call Jiang Cheng his brother anymore, but he hasn't and won't ever regret what he did.]
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[She might have been about to compliment him, but given that she's glancing towards him and making eye contact again... Something else is happening. It's like he said the other day; death stays with you. Maybe that's why, as it ends and she realizes what it was - by the time he looks her way, if he does, her hand is already over her mouth, and she's paling as her eyes widen.]
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He's done it before, even in his home world. Invented a technique - Empathy - which allows the user to do just that. To take a spirit into their own body, to experience that life through their own eyes and skin. It's never easy. Each time the hammer comes down, the sword pushes forward, the dagger drops, the last breath draws, he's launched back into his own body feeling deeply unsettled.
But he breathes, and he rights himself. It's not his memory, and it's not his death. It's not his right to see, but he's seen it anyway and he can't take that back. A lot of good dropping the topic earlier had done for them, hm?]
... [Calm, again. Careful, soft. He holds a hand her way.] Do you need to sit?
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...Yes.
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Take the time you need. I'll be here.
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She's taking a seat a little bit heavily in the place he indicates, taking a breath as she does. Given how concerned he seemed for her after she saw his memory:]
Are you... Are you okay? I'm sorry, I didn't think - I didn't realize that would happen. I know it's not...
[Pleasant, to say the least.]
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Don't apologize for that - we never have any control over what slips out. [He reaches over, gently patting her hand.]
--That was from your last world, yes? From the town with Hal. [A beat, and then:] You don't have to talk about it, of course.
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[Just! Saying! She nods, though.]
Yeah, it was.
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Sadistic of him.
[To tell her he'd draw it out if she struggled. Terrible man. It ignites a tiny bit of his temper - the temper that's satisfied to kill those who wrong him and his.]
He returned home too, at the end?
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[She takes a breath, rubbing at her eyes for just a second, before she nods.]
I think so. We only... talked once after that.
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[With whatever she said to him in their last talk, after. Before they had to leave.]
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It doesn't matter. I don't have to see him again, it's - over.
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What if you did have to see him again, though?
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also does but she'll just run fastly if this happens it's fine]
...I knew what he was going to do. I just didn't think it would be - like that. [...] I don't want to feel that scared again. I would just leave him alone.
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And he wouldn't give you any trouble if you were to do that, I take it?
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[There's a good deal of missing context there, but the deep bitterness in her voice is really as simple as that last sentence implies: whoever they are, they've moved on from what happened, something that's not quite as easy for her. Maybe she should be glad to know that they don't care any longer, but—
It would be nice, maybe, to know they were even a fraction as haunted as she still is.]
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But he's never been a very fair person when it comes to who he decides he likes. He likes Natalie, so he won't judge those who wrong her fairly.]
Mm. To put you through that and then move on is an unkindness in a way, too.
[But what can be done about it? He huffs.]
People like that can only cling to what they have. He doesn't deserve you.
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[To forget, to stop caring the way they did. Whatever the case, she shakes her head.]
Sorry. We don't have to talk about this.
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But he sighs, expression understanding all the same.]
You don't need to apologize. We don't have to keep talking about it if it bothers you either, but I don't mind. If you weren't even able to talk to him properly later, you must not have taken any time to work through what happened, mm?
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...I'm not really sure there's a way to work through something like that.
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--Probably not. Not in a way that's straightforward and clean, at least. It's not like you'll ever really be able to leave something like that behind you - truly, truly behind you. Most people wouldn't, anyway. [A beat.] But - mm. Well. If you ever decide you have anything to say about it, and that you want someone else to listen to you say it, you have my ear any time you'd like.
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